Book Review - Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain

                              "I would prefer to die than fail another diet.”

If you ever feel like an outsider in your life, this book is for you. If you have ever had a secret that kills you from the inside, this book is for you. If you are or have ever been obsessed and struggling with body image, this is a must-read for you.

In her book Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain, Portia de Rossi, an Australian actress best known for her role as lawyer Nelle Porter on the American TV series Ally McBeal and the wife of the popular talk show host Ellen DeGeneres, pours out her past turmoil, in which she struggled with anorexia and her secret of being a gay. It is a record of one’s heartbreaking past that cannot be more honest and emotional.

Portia first started her modeling career when she was 12. When the other kids were cramming themselves with books preparing for school exams, she was struggling to shed as many pounds off her body. “Rough” would be the word to describe her childhood. Her father died when she was only 9. Her friends called her names because of her big legs, and she ended up constantly comparing herself to other kids and had never been satisfied with her looks. When she went to a modeling agency, they told her to lie about her measurements to get more modeling jobs. From then on, she decided to be on a strict diet in order to land more jobs. Sadly, it resulted in her irrational craze to get an impossible amount of weight off her body. “After the diet, I’d do the job, I’d binge, and then I’d have a few days to get the weight off before I did the next job.” Portia kept a daily calorie intake below 300 (women are advised to eat a minimum of 1,200 calories per day to avoid nutritional deficiencies) and kept record of her weight on a wall. The numbers kept declining until she weighed only 82 pounds (she was 170 cm tall) when she was found collapsed on the set of a Hollywood film. “I would prefer to die than fail another diet.”

 Alongside her account of fighting anorexia, Portia briefly shared her fear of being discovered a gay by the media. Note that it was an era when being gay was seen as an unforgiveable sin. Her fear of losing her job forced her to pretend and strive hard to be heterosexual; it did not work.

 This book is a memoir that shows a tragic side of a celebrity who looks glamorous on tabloids and televisions. In fact, there are numerous celebrities who lead a catastrophic life that is far from how it looks on their packaging. Portia is very sincere and honest, and she gives a detailed account of what an anorexic goes through in everyday life, how her psychological state was messed up and how consumed she was with losing weight that she enjoyed a sense of accomplishment when she looked skeletal. It is though unfortunate that she does not write that much about her recovery process and her love story between her and her wife Ellen, which I am sure a lot of readers would be concerned about as well. Yet the book will definitely still give you an insight and a deep understanding of how a diet can become a lethal eating disorder, and how one can die inside slowly for not living his or her own real life, but pretend to be so he or she can be accepted and not seen as a freak.